Fatty Foods and Comfortable Shoes

Chores

2010-01-04T21:01:53Z

I'm staring at a list of chores. All things I should and technically could achieve tonight.

Shopping, ironing, dinner, dishes, more shopping.

Naturally, I don't want to do any of these. But I have to start somewhere.

And that somewhere is in front of the internet, with a beer.

Writer's Block: Promises, promises

2009-12-31T02:44:43Z

What, if any, resolutions did you make in 2009 and how many did you keep? Do you plan to make any resolutions for 2010? Do you find this tradition constructive or debilitating?

View 572 Answers

How fortuitous. I was just thinking about my resolutions.

Well, first off, last year. My resolution was to cook a new recipe every month. I think I ended up with 8/12. Considering my clusterfuck of a year, I'm calling that a win.

My 2010 resolution I actually decided a couple of days ago, but I was holding out on disclosing it on etiquette recommendations. But here we go.

In 2010, I will try a new beer each month.
It will be a beer I've never had before, and beers cannot be carried over from one month to the next. I'll give a go at formal tasting notes, but I make no fucking promises.

Behold!

2009-12-29T20:48:29Z

One of the funniest videos I have ever seen:

Same moves

2009-12-26T03:28:23Z

If Rock Band amazon_ww had drinks on stage with her, she'd be nearly identical (aside from outfits) to real life amazon_ww.

...and the good

2009-12-24T01:18:55Z

Okokokok.
I know that in my own little universe, it's been the shittiest year ever, but I know that I've had it better than some. I didn't have any major health of financial woes, and that alone is something to be grateful for.

I'll be going into 2010 a different person than I was going into 2009. I don't mean that in some light-hearted wishy-washy way, either. I feel more tempered, self-confident, even comfortable, than I have at any other point in my life.

So 2009, in no particular order, I thank you for:

True Friends
This says about half of it. I've been a real test on my friends this year, both online and in real life, and I thank you all for sticking by me.

Career
I'm in a pretty good place, and I think I have the opportunity to grow.

New Friends
For the first time in my life, I've gone out of my way to be social.

Hobbies
I have actual hobbies! I don't rely on anyone else to ensure my participation.

Emotionally Sound
This last quarter-year, I've been able to tell people that I love my life, and I've meant it.

Hey, 2009: Go Fuck Yourself.

2009-12-22T22:11:17Z

Guys, 2009 has been a really shitty year. Seriously, I have so many middle fingers for you, 2009.

Two raised middle fingers for each remaining day in 2009, in no particular order.

Car Breaking Down
I'm pretty sure I had to have my car towed to the dealership twice.

Not going to Khandahar
Seriously FTAG, fuck you.

Computer Monitor Dead
Whyyyyyyyyyy?

The Beaters to my Blender
I know, I promised I wouldn't mention it again. But seriously.

World Series of Poker
I didn't fucking go.

New Family Members
Honestly siblings, you are fucking retarded.

Lack of Sex
I spent half the year having it withheld as some sort of put-me-in-my-place punishment, and the other half without a reliable supplier. (Technically, I guess I went the whole year without a reliable supplier). Also, it's been since, like, September. Christ.

Paying for Parking
This is bullshit.

Coffee Mugs
Both of my good travel mugs broke this year. AHHH I FUCKING HATE MUGS.

Building New Shelves
I still don't have shelves for my books and DVDs. Moving sucks a thousand balls.

Still more cooking

2009-12-19T17:23:23Z

It's a good thing I drink so much, otherwise I wouldn't have anything to use as a rolling pin.

I'm not kidding

2009-12-18T02:47:54Z

Making salsa is a lot like giving a blow job.

It's a bunch of fucking work.

There is so little payout.

There's a bunch of cleanup afterward.

Breakfast Recon

2009-12-13T19:34:52Z

The problem with being mostly a guy (or one of the problems, rather) is that when you have a girly moment and you are all gushy about something, your firends don't want to fucking hear it. Because, you know, they're guys.

Thank gods for the internet!

So I went on a date today. A real one. Planned through the internet. I know, I know, internet dating. It was a brunch date, and it went really well. Hooray!

Lots of talk about zombie survival plans, Star Trek, and Poker After Dark. Yeeeah, how am I not bangin' this guy right now? That's one of the reasons I picked a bunch date people.

Because this was an internet date, I'm inclined to rate this like an eBay transaction.

A+ WOULD DATE AGAIN

I think it's pretty funny that this is me gushing.

fuckity fuck fuck FUCKBALLS

2009-12-11T03:23:07Z

Have you ever wanted to throw your monitor out the window?

I mean when your computer acts up, it's your monitor you envision hucking through that glass, right?

You know why that is?

BECAUSE YOUR COMPUTER IS FUCKING USELESS WITHOUT A FUCKING MONITOR

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Alright. So my monitor completely died on my this evening. I was left with a few choices:
1) Go to an electronics store and buy the prettiest monitor there
2) Call every friend I have to search on the internet for the right monitor and tell me which one I should buy
3) Walk over to the chain store that is right next to me and buy the most reasonable monitor they have in stock
4) Wait one fucking night, do a butt-tonne of reasearch at work, order a monitor from the internet.

I should mention: it was about 8:00pm when the fucking monitor decided it wasn't going to be my friend anymore. I really didn't want to drive anywhere and as if I could go a whole night without my computer. So I humped my ass over to the store and bought the biggest/cheapest monitor they had in stock.

Before swiping my VISA I made sure I could return the damn thing, even if I used it.

So!

I have 14 days to get this POS back to the store. I'm going to get either a 24" HP something or other, or a 24" Samsung something or other. (I have the models, but I closed the windows). Neither are available on amazon.ca. Any arguments for/against either?

Ah, here we go:

Samsung SyncMaster T240HD

HP w2408h

Any ideas where to buy them (with minimal shipping to Canada)?

I mean, I'll be looking tomorrow, but getting steered in the right direction never hurt.

But seriously: FUCK!!!!!!!!

What the fucking shit?

2009-12-04T21:25:22Z

Does anyone know what is going on between qcjeph and shortpacked?

I clicked the links in the posts... but I still don't get it.

December Recipe

2009-12-04T01:33:05Z

Alright, I know I haven't kept up with my New Years Resolution. Yes, I missed four whole months, but I'm giving myself a pass anyway. It was a rough fucking summer, and I'm still finding things that were stolen. Which I suppose doesn't count as "finding" them, but you know what I mean. THANKS FOR TAKING MY VANILLA YOU FUCKING SOCIOPATH.

Anyway.

Two of my friends are getting married this weekend, to each other, and I decided to make them a food basket of sorts instead of a more traditional present. They've been together for something like eight years, so there isn't anything they really need, I hate getting people things that just take up space and/or won't be appreciated, I didn't want to get a gift card as a wedding gift to some of the closest friends I have, and finally, I wanted to get them something that is memorable or at least has my kind of personal stamp on it.

So yeah, a food basket.

My base item was salsa. I figure nearly everyone likes salsa, it keeps pretty well, and bonus that it isn't too hard to make.

I've made this before, so it's not the recipe that counts.

Obviously chips are in order, so at first I decided I'd try my hand at making some from scratch. Then I discovered pretty much every recipe for tortilla chips involves buying pre-made tortillas, cutting them up, and frying them in oil. I did find one real recipe, but it involves some sort of special flour and seriously I had a lot of shit to buy. I'll be trying my hand at frying some tortillas tomorrow night, if it doesn't work out I am totally going to buy some regular ones from the store and just put them in the fancy bag I bought.

As I type, I have some corn meal biscotti in the oven. No picture, but it looks pretty good so far. If I were cheating, I'd count this as one of the missed months' recipes, but I'm not a douche like that.

The last food item is Jalapeño Cheese Balls.

They are so close to a shortbread cookie, ingredients-wise, it's not even funny. Nevertheless, they're very good. Of course I ate one, I wouldn't pack food in a gift for friends if the damn things hadn't turned out. They're really spicy... so I hope my friends don't mind too much.

The final food-like thing I'm adding is a few limes and some Cointreau. I know they have a bottle of tequila (and neither of them drinks tequila), so it's not like I am going to double them up on something like that. I bought some margerita glasses, and some fancy-pants salt for rimming them.

Yeah, I decided pretty early on I was going for a Mexican food-type theme.

Oh yeah, to round it all off, I got a set of little serving dishes and a nice basket to put it all in.

Well, that certainly is a long fucking story for a dozen cheese puffs, but it's MY corner of the internet and that is just how these things are going to go.

I emailed this to myself as "PSA for LJ" but can't remember what it's about

2009-12-02T20:59:16Z

Stopping passive-aggression

2009-11-30T21:01:19Z

Today I grew a pair and told a creepy would-be suitor to erase my number.

I don't know why, for all my assertiveness and being an asshole, it is so hard for me to say no.

Prezzies for me!

2009-11-20T21:57:10Z

You'll know what to do...

2009-11-20T03:27:55Z

Created by Oatmeal

Pretty Amazing

2009-11-18T21:17:25Z

I mean, it seems like such a simple device, and look how well it works!

Writer's Block: Message in a bottle

2009-11-18T03:46:44Z

What three items would you place in a time capsule to help future generations understand you?

Submitted By mausengeist

View 746 Answers

My computer
A copy of the Public Service Values and Ethics
A list of all my passwords.

If future generations couldn't "understand" me with all of that, then they're fucking morons.

In the News:

2009-11-13T18:11:21Z

I've mentioned it before, but I really hate John Baird.

Dead cat sparks Thatcher rumour

The demise of a pet cat led to the false rumour that Margaret Thatcher had passed away reaching the Canadian prime minister.

Prime Minister Stephen Harper was among 1,700 luminaries at a gala tribute to Canada's armed services in Toronto when word reached him.

They were in the middle of dinner when phones started to buzz with text messages claiming that: "Lady Thatcher has passed away."

Dinner chatter reportedly veered to expressions of shock and reminiscences of the 84-year-old former British prime minister, as news of her apparent passing spread like wildfire.

Canadian Press reports that the rumour eventually reached the ears of Mr Harper. Back in Ottawa, his aide Dimitri Soudas was dispatched to confirm the news and prepare an official statement.

Mr Soudas immediately emailed his contacts at Buckingham Palace and in British Prime Minister Gordon Brown's office.

They had no idea what he was talking about. Lady Thatcher, they informed an embarrassed Mr Soudas, was still very much alive.

About 20 minutes after the rumour mill started churning, a new message began to circulate among the diners at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre.

It was Transport Minister John Baird's beloved 16-year-old cat - whom he'd named Thatcher out of admiration for one of his political heroes - who had died.

Mr Soudas reportedly commented: "If the cat wasn't dead, I'd have killed it by now."

Another Tall Boy in My Life

2009-11-13T03:54:34Z

I was in kindergarten when I first kissed a boy.

That’s not entirely true. I should say “when a boy first kissed me”. Another girl and I used to build a little fort under this counter, the boy would be in there, and we wouldn’t let him out until he’d kissed both of us. I suspect she was always first because I don’t actually remember the order.

Being a small town, I was in this boy’s class all throughout school. Yeah, K to OAC. If you think about it, I’ve spent more than half my life around this guy. (Fourteen years, if you’re counting). He was (and still is, as far as I can tell) very smart, tall, wiry, athletic… yeah, we had a lot in common. Hell, our birthdays are only five days apart.

If you can’t already tell, I was in love with this boy.

Making a long story short, every now and then he appears in my dreams. I’m not sure why, because it’s never when I’m consciously thinking of him, but it happens. Honestly? Most of the time it’s naughty… but always with… an emotional connection of sorts.

Come on. They’re dreams.

Anyway, this morning I had one of those dreams.

It’s really weird. I haven’t even thought of him in months and months. But there he was, doing something that I can’t remember, but I woke up feeling good about.

There’s no real moral to this; just an odd bit of flotsam from my brain.

Brilliant

2009-11-12T20:46:51Z

Lest We Forget

2009-11-11T15:55:59Z

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

— Lt.-Col. John McCrae (1872 - 1918)

Whoops

2009-11-10T02:59:01Z

I do not have enough nice turtle necks to cover up all of my night-time errors.

What I'm reading

2009-11-03T00:04:56Z

Some of the great men in my life.

An interesting point of view (or two, rather) on a cause that is important to me.

Old Habits And All That

2009-10-29T19:41:28Z

Despite the death of whosdaboss, I still cannot resist going for featured commentary.